I absolutely hate feeling lonely, and lately the feelings have been getting pretty bad. I’m sure to most people it doesn’t make sense because I do enjoy being around people AND I live with my boyfriend, but you’d be surprised to actually know how I truly feel most of the time.
Dalton and I’s schedules have clashed very hard this semester, and its been extremely tough on me. I work and go to class all day, and when I get home, he’s either at his night classes OR he’s doing things with the fraternity and their pledges. I hate that we don’t even have time to sit down and enjoy a nice dinner together anymore. Even though I still have the opportunity to cuddle up with him at night, I still miss him so much. The weekends are not any better because he’s always gone off to the Alabama games with his family. I understand that all these priorities we have, have to take place before we can attend to our relationship, but man- the circumstances just stink! I’m glad, though, that whatever small amount of time we can actually spend with each other is awesome and always leaves me with a smile and feeling little butterflies in my stomach.
I’m an only child, so for the most part I’m very used to being by myself. But I guess because, as I’ve gotten older and I’ve created some strong bonds with a select amount of people, I feel lonely when they’re not around. I’m lucky if I get a chance to hang out with my best friend Sherry. She’s a nursing major, so you can imagine how funkafied her schedule is (I think I just made that word up…). But, I’m not gonna lie- those feelings are worse when Dalton isn’t around. He’s my lover, my best friend, and my better half. I almost feel like a part of me is truly missing when he’s not around.
I worry about him wanting to join the military once he graduates. If I can’t deal with our crazy schedules now, I’m terrified to think of how emotionally straining it’ll be when he’s constantly gone to a different state, or even a different country! I just can’t handle that thought!
I’ve been seeing a therapist lately (which I’m still afraid to tell people, because I don’t want to be judged), and this is the next issue that we’re going to tackle and talk through (I may or may not choose to mention the REAL reason why I’m seeing a therapist later…). I hope we work on ways for me to learn how to handle these feelings, because they’re quite stressful and draining. I’m having too hard of a time dealing.